Let it Shine

We had our first practice for the primary presentation on Sunday.  Most of the children are giving talks from the pulpit and will do so in front of the whole congregation on Sunday, during the sacrament meeting - the main congregational service at church.  During the practice all the kids got up and read their talks - with an adult standing by to give help if needed.  Kate is the youngest child in primary and she read her talk all by herself.  She's been reading since the summer.  Her reading keeps improving all the time and she really does read quite well.

After Kate read her part, a number of the leaders were looking at me and saying wow.  Instead of feeling proud I felt almost embarrassed.  I felt worried that someone else would feel badly that their child wasn't reading as well.  I didn't quite understand why I was feeling embarrassed, but it was what I was feeling.

It's taken me two days of thinking about it, but I think I'm finally figuring out why I felt that way.  When I was in elementary school I was bullied.  Being smart is one of the reasons I was put down.  Instead of being proud of my intelligence I was embarrassed. (I suppose part of my reaction to Kate's reading is also because I'm not entirely sure how it happened.  Sure we've worked on things, but her abilities just exploded.)

There's a quote I've loved since the minute I first heard it.  It was for a while wrongly attributed to Nelson Mandela, but is the writing of Maryanne Williamson: “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that frightens us most. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and famous?' Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that people won't feel insecure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in all of us. And when we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

I'm still not sure that I've processed all of it.  I'm not exactly sure what conclusions I will draw.  I know that I don't want to be embarrassed of good things because that's ridiculous.  Why not aim to inspire those around you?  (When you can, because we can't always be awesome, at least I can't always be awesome - and neither can my kids!)  I want desperately to help my daughters know and understand their divine nature, their individual worth.  In helping them discover theirs, I continue to discover my own.  I am so grateful to be a mother.  

I am a child of God and I want to let my light shine and give other people permission to do the same.