15

The timeline of what happened when is something I'm not entirely sure about. At some point Suzanne decided she was coming up at Christmas. At some point I asked her if she would watch our kids for the night on our anniversary - she said yes. At some point after many, many, many interrupted conversations we picked a place to go. And after much anticipation our anniversary finally arrived.

15. Fifteen years. It seems like a lifetime. It seems both like a really long time and also not representative of how long I've actually loved Ken. We met in the fall of 2001, we started dating in February 2002 and got married in December of that year, so it really doesn't go much beyond the fifteen year anniversary, but there is something about being sealed to someone, and working towards the blessings of that sealing that makes it seem like you're already living forever, in the best sense.

On Wednesday night we put the kids to bed and went to see the new Star Wars movie - The Last Jedi, with Andrew, Matthew, Isaac, Joey and Thomas. It felt like our anniversary started a day early. Ken went to work Thursday morning and Suzanne watched the girls while I went and did a little shopping.

Ken and I finally set off around 3 for the Woodlawn Inn in Cobourg. The only time we've had a night away from the kids has been to have another kid... and that is not the same as an anniversary!

The Inn was lovely. We had lovely food and lovely time together. We took our time coming home on Friday stopping at Tyrone Mills in Bowmanville, and the Oshawa Centre along the way. I feel so very happy and peaceful. I am so thankful for my marriage, for Ken and who he is. He is such an amazing partner. I'm so thankful for the opportunity to create so many happy memories with my love.

All Things Christmas - Before Christmas

I think the first thing was the Ajax Christmas parade (Nov 25). We'd never been to a night time parade before. The girls were excited, it was cold, but not too crazy. We parked by the library and sat on Harwood. The girls sat on the curb on a blanket and Ken and I stood behind them, but also behind people sitting in chairs. The atmosphere was so great. Everyone was really excited and happy and we all had lots of fun.

Ken's Toast Master Christmas party was on December 1st. He invited me to come with him and I said sure. It was a really nice night and I'm so glad that I went. The people there were so lovely, so welcoming and just genuinely lovely people. I could really see why Ken enjoys it so much. They did a table topics and everyone around the room was invited to answer a question - kind of make a short speech. They finally got to Ken and after he was finished he invited me to join in and I did.  It was lovely.

On December 2nd we decided to get a tree. We saw the movie Coco in the morning - it was so very wonderful, and then afterwards went to Vandermeer Nursery and Garden Centre. We went there last year but didn't really walk around inside. This year we walked around inside. The girls all picked out an ornament to buy, which was fun, it smelled wonderful, and at the back they had fish. We walked around the fish ponds, the poinsettias and all of the Christmas displays. It was fun. We picked out a big beautiful full tree, and this year, this year, we made sure it was properly secured to the roof of the van before we drove home!

The girls - Kate and Alice, had their last swimming lesson on Dec 5th. They really loved it. Their teacher Emily was really sweet and Kate and Alice loved it. I put them in Swim 1 together and it worked out really well. Kate has now passed Swim 1 and 2 and Alice passed swim 2. They are both signed up for lessons starting in January and I was able to find classes at the same time!

Fiona's half birthday was the 6th. It also happened to be Kate's last activity days event before the Christmas break. They were decorating Gingerbread Houses, so we decorated at home too.

Ken's Master Solve work party was the 7th at a restaurant in Whitby called Chatterpaul's. I meant to take a selfie, I meant to take a picture, but I never did. Oops. The food was good, and I enjoyed chatting to Kay - the wife of Ken's boss. She's really lovely and I've known her for ages and I really don't see her very often so it's always so nice to chat.

On the 9th Mom (and Dad?!) watched the girls so Ken and I could go to the temple. I love going to the temple with my love. LOVE! It was so nice to take a moment out of the craziness of the month of December and put everything in perspective and just be. We were supposed to go see Zorana, Jason and Ciaran at their Christmas party that night, but the girls were just tired and cranky and so we decided not to push it.

On Sunday the 10th was the Stake Christmas Cantata. It was a lot of work to get there but it was so worth it and it was such a satisfying night. I accompanied the choir for two numbers - Silent Night and Sleigh Ride (UGH Sleigh Ride!), and played the flute for Bethlehem Wind which is gorgeous. I also accompanied some kids (Kate and Alice included) singing the Nativity Song and I accompanied Jennifer Stewart a soprano, she sang I Know That My Redeemer Liveth from Messiah and it was lovely. There was a community brass band and other soloists and performers and it was just such a lovely night. Kayley Lynch organized the whole thing and conducted the choir. It was really great.

On the 14th it was my Winter Concert at school. It was so much work, so very much, but as always so worth it. The kids were great, the parents were great, it was really great. I was so proud of the kids. I felt really proud of myself. I felt like it was my best concert so far. I was really happy.

We went to Holden's baptism on the 16th. It was such an awesome baptism. Holden had asked two of his cousins to speak about baptism and he asked Kate to speak about the Holy Ghost. She did a great job, and the whole baptism was just lovely.

We went home and "rested" and then went to the ward Christmas party. We sat with Janelle and Jon and their boys. It was short and sweet and really nice.

On Sunday the 17th we did the Nativity at church in primary. It was really cute. Fiona chose to be an angel, Kate was a shepherd and Alice!! Alice was a camel. It was really cute.

On Monday the18th we went to see Santa and miracle or miracles all three girls smiled! Santa was a lovely man and it would have been a perfect visit if it wasn't a school night, if it wasn't nine o'clock when we finally had our turn (mostly Ken waited the 90 minutes...) and it would have been perfect if when Santa was trying to get info out of Fiona about presents she not being cooperative and Alice guessing for her and then her rejecting the idea of paw patrol and me freaking out because of the combination!!  But really, it was great.

On Wednesday the 20th, Kate and Fiona were to perform in their winter concert. We were all going to go together, but then things came undone a bit. Just as Fiona and I were leaving Kate got a nose bleed, and Alice didn't want to go. Fiona's concert was super cute and super short - ten minutes. It was a Kindergarten concert followed by an intermission and then the other kids - Kate included would be at 6:30. When Fiona and I got home Kate's nose was still bleeding. It didn't stop bleeding until the concert was starting and by then it was too late to go. Kate was sad but she calmed down - thanks to the help of her awesome Dad, and we watched the newest Spiderman movie. It ended up being a really fun night.

Fiona's class sang "I Want to Be an Elf" and all the Kindys sang "Frosty the Snowman".

The last day of school was the 22nd, we finished up Christmas prep on the 23rd and just like that it was Christmas Eve. We had Sacrament meeting only on Christmas Eve and it was lovely. The primary kids sang Mary's Lullaby, and there was lots of music of lovely thoughts about our Savior.

Kate wrote the sweetest note to Santa, and the stockings were hung by the chimney with care. So much care! Ken actually bought hooks so for the first time ever, the stockings really were hung by the chimney! The girls were so excited.

Being

I felt so sad yesterday afternoon. The weekend was already finishing and it just didn't feel like enough. I feel ungrateful now, but yesterday I just felt overwhelmed with sadness. I took the girls out on Saturday so Ken could work. He took the girls out Sunday so I could work. Ken wasn't feeling well. The house was (still is) a mess.

As Ken and I lay in bed last night chatting I cried a little. I cried because I'm tired of being tired and I'm tired of being stressed. I'm tired of the frenetic pace where nothing is ever enough. I'm tired of being angry mommy. I told Ken that when I was home (on maternity leave) with the girls the days that were the worst days were the ones where I had a time line, the days where I had things to do - me me me. Not that me wanting to clean up or run errands is selfish, but it was my time line, my agenda. The best days were the ones where everyone had time.

We were specifically talking about Fiona and how difficult we're both finding her right now. She is so obstinate sometimes, and of course she is at her worst when it's the worst time - getting ready to go out in the morning and bedtime.

I thought about after school pickup, how the girls transition, how I get them to transition. How am I helping them transition? Do I greet them with a smile, or with tired impatience? Last night I thought about what I could change, how I could do things differently.

We had a really great night tonight. I came in to the girls aftercare rooms calmly and happily. I sat down with Fiona and asked her about her creations, asked her if she needed more time, or if she was ready to go? She was happy to see me and she told me she'd had a great day. Alice the same, and Kate the same. I took time to greet each girl and talk to them for a minute.

We got home and the girls willingly helped do their chores, Kate practiced piano, Fiona and Alice played and snacked while I made dinner. After dinner the girls had some screen time, Ken came home, the girls had Family Home Evening dessert. We sort of talked about obedience - sort of. Kate read to me. Ken read to Alice and Fiona. Everyone was calm. I was calm.

At bedtime we read scriptures, I only raised my voice slightly once, and then quickly apologized to poor Alice - a misunderstanding, the girls went to bed without fights - we started early enough and the girls were great. It's only taken me until the end of October to adjust to being back at work. EEK!

There's a quote by L.R. Knost that really resonates with me. "When our little people are overwhelmed by big emotions it's our job to share our calm, not join their chaos." I want to more fully live this. I'm not always going to get it right, but I'm going to try.

We're Going to the Zoo Zoo Zoo, How About You You You

Nope. I will never, not ever get tired of the zoo, not even when there are a bazillion people there because it is Boo at the Zoo and it was a beautiful day. I won't even get tired of it when we sort of lost Kate and almost lost Hazel a bazillion times.

I needed to give Emily Fiona's size four clothes for Hazel. We decided to meet at the zoo by the Indian Rhino at 1pm. She told me the day before that her hubby wouldn't be coming so he could do school work - he's doing his masters. I gave Ken the option to stay home and work and he jumped on it. So Emily and I took our six kids to the zoo with, it seemed, most of the population of Toronto.

I love, love, love how well our kids play together. They had so much fun. It was such a beautiful fall day. We stayed until the zoo closed at 4:30, but it was closer to 5:30 by the time we walked to the van and actually got out of the parking lot. Yay for beautiful fall days with beautiful friends, and yay for the zoo!