The Funnies

January
Alice is currently working in a church. The lesson she is teaching is covering a wide variety of subjects, not the least of which is Heavenly Father gives us strength when we need help.


Ken is currently receiving instruction in the art of ninja dodgeball. (From Kate)


Alice: When I'm a teenager I can wipe the back of my bum when I poo.
Me: Well, hopefully before you're a teenager.
Alice: William is a teenager.
Me: Yes he is, and Isaac is a teenager.
Alice: He is a Connecticut cousin.
Me: Yes he is.
Alice: But Perry and Max aren't my cousins, they're just my friends from church.
Me: Yes, that's right.
Alice: So I can marry them.
Me: Yes, if they want to marry you.
Alice: Maybe I'll ask Max on Sunday if he wants to marry me.

The conversation while goal setting tonight.

Me: What should my goal be?
Kate: To take your clothes off.
Alice: You should have a naked show.

February
Me: I'm sorry we were fighting today.
Alice: (After a hug) That's okay Mom, I'll fight with you until I'm a grown up.
Me: Why?
Alice: Because when I'm a grown up I'll do my own things.


Kate: Mom, why are you so wrinkly? Is it because you're so old?


Playing with Daddy is fun, until it is not fun, and then there is a lot of screaming. 

Kate: Mom, for my next party I want a dog party. I'm ready to be seven. Mom, what do seven year olds do?

(Someone is a little jealous of Alice's fun presents, one cute little dog purse in particular!)

Is anyone ever ready for the terrible twos?!


Me: Alice you need to stop running in the library. This is not a gym, it is not a running place.
Alice: But it's too quiet.

Kate scampers in wearing her turquoise pants.

Kate: Mom, can I wear my "today's my favorite day" shirt?
Me: Well, are you sure it's the same colour turquoise?
Kate: I'll go check. (Scampers off)
Kate: (Returns with shirts and holds it next to her pants.) See it's the same colour.
Me: That's a lot of turquoise. You're going to be a turquoise monster.
Kate: (Speaking in a very serious voice.) I'm going to be a turquoise spy, and I will camouflage into anything that is turquoise.
Me: What exactly do you think you're going to see that is turquoise?
Kate: (Ponders this for a moment.) Well, if there's nothing turquoise, I'll wear a disguise! (Scampers off)

Alice is currently singing an Alice song. The lyrics are somewhat hard to make out, and they seem to be a mix of several songs that she knows, some that are made up and definitely one of the songs she's learning in church. "Angels will hasten the story to tell" has been repeated several times.

I love it when my children sing to themselves. It makes me think of this quote: A child who sings, is a happy child. ~Enrique Falabella

Me: Did you just wipe snot on me?
Alice: No, slobber.

(Being a Mom is so glamorous)

Me: It's only -11 now.
Alice: Does that mean we can go to the park?

March
I want there to be a childhood barf quota and I want Kate to have reached it this winter.

Alice: Kate, I wish your name was Phallus.

But of course she meant Falice, rhyming is fun!

Alice: Mom, guess who I was talking to in the basement?
Me: Who?
Alice: The Holy Ghost. He told me that whenever the basement is a mess I should clean it up. He also told me I'm nice.

Ken: While watching Fiona this afternoon, she started banging on the door, so I put her boots and coat on and we went outside. She then started hitting the car, so we got in. She got in her seat, so I buckled her and started the car. I asked her which way she wanted to go.. This way (right), or that way (left). We then drove around and at every intersection, I would ask her which way, and she would say this or that, and point in the corresponding direction. We ended up in the middle of nowhere, but at least she's happy.

All day today Alice would say random gibberish words and then proceed to tell me the English translation of what she had just said in Spanish. She also frequently asks me how to say things in French (Kate will most likely go to French Immersion in the fall), and she now tries to write in Chinese (Ken has written a few characters for the girls). It seems to me that someone has an affinity for languages!

April
Ken: Fiona just went in the closet and peed in my slipper. #neverwantedacat  Thanks, Wendy!

Alice to her cousins - I'll miss you as tall as this house.

Kate: (Upon noticing the box of minion cookies) I can only assume that they will both smell and taste like fart. 
Kate/Alice/Ken: giggles
Alice: I want to be a fart when I grow up.


Kate: Mom, do you remember the time I tried to use a Walmart bag as a parachute and it nearly killed me?

Kate: Is he going to die during general conference?

I guess Robert D. Hales looks a little frail.

Kate, Alice and I are decorating Easter eggs. Kate is singing made up Easter songs that sound vaguely like Christmas carols.

"It's a holly jolly figure, to have someone around. It's a holly jolly figure to have a feast of sound. It's Easter time."

May
I really wanted the brown smear I found on the carpet to be chocolate.
(No such luck. Sometimes being a parent is more awesome than it needs to be.)


Me: Alice, don't put the dandelion in your mouth.
Alice: It's my destiny.

I was working on a blog post on my computer this afternoon. Kate was playing on my computer this evening before coming to the table for a snack.

Kate: If you scroll up on the blog you'll see something.
Me: What did you do to my blog post? Did you delete something?
Kate: I didn't backspace anything, I just wrote something.

I went to the computer and scrolled up... the message: Mom stinks. Thanks Kate, thanks a lot.

After publishing this status update, I confronted Kate.

Me: Mom stinks? Nice Kate, thanks a lot. (Said while tickling her.)
Kate: What? Dad told me too!
Ken: Hey, you're not supposed to tell her!

So make that, thanks Ken, thanks a lot!

June

Alice: Am I smelling something I'm not supposed to smell?

So. Any suggestions for asking the neighbors to not smoke up outside our front window??

Alice: It was a babillion years ago.
Kate: Babillion isn't a real number.
Alice: It was a million years ago.
Kate: You weren't alive a million years ago, only Mom and Dad were.

Kate: Mom, I know what I want to do on Saturday.
Me: What's that?
Kate: (In a dreamy voice). I want to go to a spa. I want to get my nails done and I want cucumber on my eyes and gook on my face.

Alice: Mommy, do you have nostrils?
Me: Yes.
Alice: Did you use your nostrils to pull down the goat sink?

July
Alice: I want to whisper something in your ear. (Whispering) I love you until the earth explodes.

Me: Alice, why are your hands black? Oh dear and your mouth and shirt?
Alice: I tried to make my balloon black. Honestly, it did not work.

Me: Why are you sad?
Alice: Kate said it was her duty to hit me and kick me.

When the four year old says pull over, I'm going to barf, you should believe her.#parentingfun

Tonight at Family Home Evening...

Me: Kate, how do we use words to build each other up?

Kate and Ken then proceed to role-play a scenario in which Kate uses words to build up Ken.
Ken: Kate you filled my bucket.
Me: Fiona, can you fill Daddy's bucket?
Fiona then proceeds to find a bucket, put it on her head and march around the room yelling Daddy, Daddy, Daddy, for the LONGEST time EVER!

August

Last night Ken and I went to dinner with some awesome friends. Their daughters were watching our daughters. This was Kate's response when she was told it was bedtime.

Kate: You know nothing about love! You know nothing about love if you think I can go to bed without seeing my Mom!

When I came home from my girls night out, Alice came downstairs to give me a hug and as she wrapped her arms around my waist exclaimed, "I forgot what you looked like." Kate upon hearing this said, " Alice, that's the most ridiculous thing you've ever said to Mom."

Alice: I'm drawing your uterus pink and my uterus yellow.
Kate: She's drawing our uteruses.

September
Alice: Are you going to be the first one to die in our family?
Me: I don't know.
Alice: Well you could be, you are the oldest and Dad is the tallest. 
Me: Yep I could be.
Alice: Dad looks like he is the oldest, but he is the tallest.


Ken: And now we're married.
Me: Who?
Ken: Alice.
Me: What?!
Kate: Well I'm already married to Watson, you remember the dog at Heidi and Jonathon Todd's?
Me: Who performed the wedding?
Kate: No one, he kissed me.
Me: He kissed you and now you're married?
Kate: Yes, well I don't want to marry Ginger, she's old and she's a girl.
Me: But you want to marry a dog? Not a human?
Kate: Yes, maybe next time we can do the ceremony for real.
Me: Really?
Kate: Yes, and then if I marry a dog, I won't have to have a baby. Next time we go to Heidi and Todd's house, I really want to kiss Watson again.

Brought to you from kindergarten land... We were talking about colours in class today. I pulled out a black and white of a mountain scene to show the children.

Me: What do you notice about this picture.
Kindergarten Child: Is that fifty shades of grey?

Alice: I want a snack.
Me: Where were you five minutes ago when Kate was having a snack?
Alice: Rolling around on the big bed singing a song about God and me and Jesus.

Alice is currently having a snack.

October
Me: Fiona, are you ready to be done nursing? Big girls don't nurse. Are you ready to be a big girl?
Fiona: Um?
Me: Kate and Alice are big girls, they don't nurse.
Fiona: (Laughs) Just me, I'm a baby, meow, meow.

November

Random snippets of conversation...

Kate: You treat me like a baby. I'm not a baby. I'm almost ten.
(She is six.)

Alice: (Holding up a toy to Ken, in a sing-song voice) Hula dancing butt, hula dancing butt.

Fiona: (Arms spread wide, dancing on newly cleaned sheets, on a newly made bed.) Butthead! Butthead!

Happy Saturday.

Kate: Tomorrow I want to eat a hundred beans! You know why? It'll make me toot!

December

Me: I'm so excited to take you to see Santa on Saturday.
Fiona: NO! NOOOOOOOOO!
Me: It's Mommy's Christmas present.
Fiona: Why? I no wanna sit on Santa, I no wanna sit on Alice, I no wanna sit on anything! I'm too tired. I'll stay home with Daddy. It's too cold.

Today in Kindergartenland...

Student: (Looking at the picture on my ID tag...) Was that taken when you were a lot younger?
Me: No, just September.

Alice (seriously) : I really want to be a nurse when I grow up.
Kate (grumpily) : I want to be a horrible nobody.
Fiona (happily) : I want to be a horse.

Fiona pushed up her stool to the kitchen counter as Ken was removing the rest of the meat from the bird.

Fiona: Ah! A dinosaur! Get that out of here!

Merry Christmas everyone! May we all feel the peace and love that Jesus Christ has to offer.

(And may we not be afraid of a turkey carcass.)

Christmas Day

Christmas Day! Months of planning and preparing, of anticipating. Some things go well, some things don't. Ken's parents arrived late last night and were excited to be with us on Christmas morning to see Christmas through the girls' eyes. I don't think the girls disappointed!

The girls played with their Nana and Papa and I packed. (Tomorrow we're off to Connecticut.) And chef Ken, cooked up a storm in the kitchen! We weren't sure if Ken and Chris were staying, they didn't want to commit to anything. They stayed long enough to say a quick hi to my parents and then they were off to Lisa's.

So that meant Mom, Dad, Andrew and Rayna for dinner. Anything was going to be better than last year - barfing, crying, it was BAD. And it was better. Alice had a bit of a melt down because apparently she didn't get anything good for Christmas?! But dinner, dinner was awesome!

Christmas is family, and I'm so blessed with so much family to love and be loved. Merry Christmas!

McCartney Family Christmas

Laura hosted family Christmas at her house again.  It was lovely.  Laura and Joaquin have a happy home filled with love and that was the tone of the celebration today.  We completely dispensed with a gift exchange this year, and it was nice.  Everyone just enjoyed chatting and being family.  The little girls played, the big kids played, and the biggest kids chatted.  It was potluck and there was lots of yummy food. 

 In the absence of Eric (and all the Jakobs) Maureen took over his napping duties.

 And of course, it isn't really a party until someone gets naked? 

I feel like I was a little light on pictures, so next year I must go picture crazy again!  Merry Christmas McCartneys!

The Nativity

It was supposed to be a yearly event, our Christmas Eve tradition.  We started when? I'm not sure, but two years ago there was an ice storm and they show was canceled, and a year ago there was barfing.  This year we are going to have McCartney Family Christmas on Christmas Eve, so we needed to bump this up a day.  I was really excited for the girls to see it this year.

We got there early enough to get a seat in the front row.  It was great, except that we couldn't see the angels at all.  We either need to sit on the other side of the show next year, or higher up on the benches. 

I can't remember if it was during the show, or right after that Alice said, "I think that baby is baby Jesus."  Sometimes I think they listen when I talk?! I hope the girls felt the spirit.  I think they did.

After the show we went to Tim Horton's for donuts and hot chocolate.  It was a fun family night!

The Zoo/Downtown Christmas Window Adventure

The weather has been so crazy warm, and it was beautiful out today.  The plan was to go downtown to see the windows at the Bay, and the Christmas Lights at City Hall.  Early afternoon and I was getting antsy so I suggested adding the zoo to the itinerary and Ken agreed! 

We were at the zoo for an hour and a half-ish, but it was great.  So beautiful outside!  The polar bear was awesome coming right up to the window, even rubbing his nose against the glass.  Poor Fiona fell off the ledge the first time he walked right by the window.  We didn't actually see many animals, but we still had fun.  We could hear one of the lions roaring.  We walked over the enclosure but there were none out.  The roar was intense!

Next we went to Kelsey's for dinner.  We all had a nice dinner, and then we drove downtown along Kingston Road.  The girls were antsy - are we there yet?  Was asked more than once!  We made an unplanned stop at Underpass Park looking for Corktown Common.  Someday Ken will see Corktown Common in real life!  I kind of parallel parked the mini van and the girls played for a few minutes.

We piled back in the van and drove to City Hall, parked underground and it was off to explore! The girls enjoyed walking around city hall and watching the skating.  They loved watching the skating, but the zamboni, we couldn't drag them away! We talked about skating there in a few years.  The girls are prone to wander and Ken and I had a hard time trying to explain to them - Alice particularly that they needed to stay close! 

The windows at the Bay were so great.  I remember going to see them as a child.  It's been such a long time since I've been to see them.  I think this is a yearly tradition I want to continue!

We wandered around the Eaton Centre and picked up a present for Anna.  We really had a great afternoon/evening.  We left the mall at closing and got home late, but who cares!  We're on holiday!