The BIG 5-0!

Goodness. I do love a good story, so it's only fitting that turning the big 5-0 (I still can't say it without shuddering) was just a bit of a story. I wish I could say I felt more grateful. I think I can say I am starting to feel more grateful, even if I'm not entirely there yet.

At some point a few months ago something freaked me out pretty good about my upcoming birthday. Like I felt sick to my stomach at the thought of anyone knowing that I was turning 5-0. I just didn't want to be reminded about my birthday. So I did something that I never thought I would do. I changed Facebook so that my birthday was no longer public. A couple of people at work/school knew, but I didn't think they knew the date, so I wasn't too worried about it. 

I took this pic Tuesday night. We went to the temple to meet up with friends in the baptistry. I think I was messaging someone, and I was thinking, it's my last pic in my 40s... (we did take a few pics at the temple... so last selfie?!)

I was feeling a little funny Tuesday night, but felt fine about going to the temple, so I went with it, and we did have a really lovely night. Wednesday morning - my birthday - I woke up 3ish in the morning with a slight fever and feeling like I was going to be sick. I felt so awful. I put in the absence on my phone, and spent the next few hours getting up thinking I was going to be sick. It was yucky. And at some point I made day plans to send into the office in the hopes that someone would pick up my absence. This view of Milo was my view Wednesday, Thursday and Friday.

This was Wednesday - my actual birthday. This was the present from Suzanne that represented my twenties. She was really sweet and did this whole fun one present per decade thing. (I'll put all the pics of my decade presents at the bottom.)

Ken bought me flowers, he went to Choko-Mocko too and bought me treats - that I didn't end up eating - I really wasn't feeling well. 

Me and the dog. Me and the couch. It was a thing.

Auntie Wendy sent me a birthday card! 

I thought I was feeling better a bit better on Saturday morning, so Ken and I went for a walk. But by the end of the day I was feeling terrible again. I asked Ken for a blessing. In the blessing he said "when you know what's wrong you can get the help you need" or something like that. It left me feeling slightly confused. In my head it meant I wasn't fully better, and I wasn't going to be better quite yet, and that I might actually need to go to the doctor to get fully better. I quietly hoped/prayed that it wasn't anything serious and pondered on what it all might mean!

I think it was Saturday that I took my second covid test. I took three different tests between Thursday and Saturday and they were all negative.

I stayed home from church on Sunday to continue to rest, but on Monday I went back to work. I was feeling relieved about missing my birthday, thinking that all of the hubbub would have died and no one would remember. I walked into my room, and the decorations that had been fresh on Wednesday were a bit wilted. I kind of smiled, but took them all down carefully and quickly.

I really thought I was in the clear. I thought no one will remember if I don't remind them and if all the birthday mess is gone, then it will be gone from the minds too. But then the announcements came on and the announcement team announced over the PA system that I had just turned 50. I wanted to die. DIE! I was so angry I didn't have words. I went into the office in a bit of a state (first period prep) and asked, "who said that was okay, I didn't say that was okay". I didn't yell or have a diva moment, but I supposed it was a bit dramatic.

Lisa, who is one of the secretaries and one of the sweetest people that I know followed me out of the office, apologized and then cried. Then I felt like the worst person in the universe because I made the sweetest person in the universe cry. I spent the rest of the day and days after having kids remind me that I was 50. It was the present that just kept on giving. It was all so surreal. Yeesh. This was the card that my staff members gave me, which was really sweet, even if I didn't want it even a little bit.

Lisa also bought me a gluten free chocolate mousse cake - my favourite kind of cake and I was eating it in little bits because it wasn't dairy free. Ken not knowing that I actually wanted it finished it off. Which was a little bit the perfect end to a perfectly ridiculous 50th birthday.

Hopefully I'll figure out how to be 50. Hopefully I'll get over myself and my age.

Here are the gifts that my sister gave to me including already above the prairie picture:

Oh and CJ gave me this painting for my 50th.

Fi-ty - the Ottawa Party

I can't remember when my sister first asked me what I was going to do for my 50th. I also can't remember when the over thinking began about what I was going to do for my 50th.

Ideas floated around:
- see Suzanne - go away somewhere
- see Suzanne - she comes to us
- see Heidi - meet up somewhere
- go to Rochester and Palmyra
- rent a cottage
- go somewhere crazy with a friend or Ken

I think the closer it's getting the crazier I've been getting, until it was time to make a decision, or face the reality of doing nothing, which felt really awful.

A couple of weeks ago I started to type a message into a group chat on WhatsApp with Sonia, Janelle and Emily. I started to write this big long message, but deleted it. But I had already created the group - "Wendy's Birthday". I didn't realize that my friends would see that I created a group. I hadn't sent a message, so I assumed the group wasn't a thing. That is until they started responding to the creation of the group. At that point I was still waffling.

But that was when the decisions actually got made. We decided to head up to Ottawa Thursday night after school for the Easter Weekend. We would stay Friday, part of Saturday and come home Saturday night to be in our own ward for Easter Sunday. It would be a crazy quick trip, but it would enable me to have a birthday celebration with the women that I consider my closest women friends. (Aside from my sister and Shawn.) I felt like I needed to be with them.

The drive on Thursday night was good, we left way later than we should have, but the sunset was pretty and the roads were good.

Friday was full. Bella's birthday - she got presents! Then lots of playing, and Emily and I took the dogs for a walk. (A very icy walk - there is still SO much snow in Ottawa!) Next Emily, Fiona, Hazel and I went to a baptism - it wasn't at Emily's chapel because their font is broken, but it was one of Emily's primary kids. It ended up being Diane Downie's grandson - a sweet friend from Orangeville, and it turned out I pretty much knew everyone at the baptism, so that was fun.

Then we all met up at the museum of Nature. Fun was reluctantly had by all.

At some point Emily and I left, and we picked up Thai food on the way to Sonia's house.

My birthday carpet message!

Then it was talk, talk, talk, talk, and talk some more - and some time in the hot tub! It was such a lovely evening with these amazing women. It nourished my soul in a way that I really needed.

Saturday. The men folk took the dogs for a walk. Then it was off to the chapel - Emily and Jinx went earlier, and I came later and brought Fiona and Hazel for a HUGE two ward Primary Easter Eggstravaganza. It was epic. Fiona and Hazel had lots of fun!

Before we left to go home we had to take a group shot of the kids, and Emily decided that it would be fun to have a mini Easter Egg hunt in the kitchen, so we did.

I'm thankful, so thankful to my sweet friends, who rearranged things last minute so that they could be there for me and celebrate, as Janelle put it, my turning fi-ty.