Ally

Oh my sweet Ally where to begin?  I've known her Dad since our days as youth.  We were both on the Stake Youth Committee and we carpooled to Brampton with one of the high councilors from my ward.  Matthew and I weren't ever close, but we knew each other.

Since our teenage years we've seen each other around and spoken here and there.  He's been a substitute teacher at Blue Willow once or twice when I was there.  When we started going to Cookstown Ward, he and his family did too.  Matt was actually in the bishopbric.  I got to know his sweet wife Emma, and we all got to know Gordon and Ally.  Gordon was in Ken's primary class in 2013 - CTR 7.

Ally was born January 5, 2012.  She was born with Down Syndrome to parents that weren't able to care for her.  Matthew and Emma had been looking to adopt for quite a few years as they were unable to have any more children after Gordon.  I remember Emma telling me about going to meet Ally and just knowing that she was meant to be theirs.  I remember shedding a few Mommy tears while we were chatting.  She told me that she often had to remind herself that she hadn't given birth to Ally.

I copied this from the Facebook group "Love for Allyson".   Allyson Sherlock is a two and a half old girl with Down Syndrome. In August of 2013, she was diagnosed with Myelodysplasia- (smouldering leukaemia). After six rounds of chemotherapy in April 2014 it was determined that Allyson had beaten her illness and was in full remission. Two months later she had relapsed into full blown Acute Myeloid Leukaemia. Since the relapse, Allyson has completed two additional rounds of chemotherapy, and tomorrow (October 6th, 2014) she will enter The Hospital for Sick Children in Toronto for a bone marrow transplant procedure. Our hope is that Allyson will overcome this illness while informing others about paediatric cancers. This is a place to follow Allyson's journey as she receives her bone marrow transplant.  

They knew something wasn't right for a few months before the official diagnosis.  I remember how brave Matt and Emma were when they didn't know what was going on.  I also remember how optimistic they were.  Ally had so many things going for her.  She was being treated in the best place possible, by the best people possible, and because she had Down Syndrome, she had an edge.  

We talked about Ally and Gordon and their family lots with our girls.  Ally was in our prayers all the time.  Kate ran for Ally in the Terry Fox walk at school, first in 2013.

And then again in 2014.

I always knew there was a chance she wouldn't beat her cancer, but I felt much more strongly that she would pull through and be a survivor.  Matt made a comment on one of my comments on Facebook, about how the girls would go to Girls Camp together someday.  I was so excited at the thought of that and I really believed it would happen.

She did really well with her treatment the first time.  She did really well with her bone marrow transplant.  Things were looking great.  She went into the hospital for her bone marrow in October of this past year having already done two rounds of chemo in the fall.  She was supposed to be in isolation until December, but she defied all the odds.  She and Gordon were reunited November 2nd, and she was discharged to Ronald McDonald house to be with her family on November 12.

She had some hiccups here and there, but from all of the reports given by her Dad it seemed that she was doing great.  On Dec 5th they received word from their Doctor, that they wouldn't be home for Christmas, he wanted them close by the hospital still.  December 12th, she was amazing the medical team, but there was concern about her weight.  But then December 15th there was concern about her blood pressure and nutrition so Ally was admitted to the hospital.  They all hoped it would be a short stay.  I'm not sure if/when she was released after this, but she was in again getting an NG tube in her nose to ensure proper nutrition on December 30th. January 3rd she threw up and aspirated some of the fluids.

She made it through her 3rd birthday in hospital on January 5th, and she was able to enjoy time with her family.  Emma posted a really cute video of Ally enjoying her musical card.  There were also pictures of Ally with Gordon.  And so many people posted Happy Birthday wishes for sweet Ally.

Early in the morning on January 6th, she was sent to the ICU.  Her heart was in distress and there were indications of a lung infection.  Later in the day on the 6th she was intubated.  January 11th Ally was stable, but critical.  January 17th there was more deterioration.  January 18th stability - critical but stable.  The 19th came with more testing and a diagnosis, a partially collapsed lung, a fungal infection and a heart that was under a lot of pressure.  On the 20th, some peace, seeing small improvements and hoping for more.

Just before I went to bed on the 22nd (Ken's birthday of course) I read the following post in Love For Allyson: Our daughter Allyson Victoria Sherlock passed away moments ago in the arms of her mother and surrounded by love. We appreciate everyone's love and support, we will need some time to make arrangements.

And I was shocked and devastated, and shocked, and so, so, so sad.  I knew she was really sick, but I thought she would get better.  I really did.  I cried and I cried.  I tried to go to bed and I got up again and cried on Ken some more.  At this point it was close to 2 a.m. and I  needed to sleep.  I ended up going to bed with my phone watching a show to distract me.

It was weird, Ken's birthday.  I didn't want to tell the girls.  I wanted Ken to have a happy birthday.  All day I would go along doing stuff only to be reminded, and I'd tear up again.  I kept thinking of Matt and Emma, and Gordon too, wondering how they were doing.

I waited until the next day to tell the girls.  They were surprised but not sad.  They were very matter of fact.  They would see Ally again when she was resurrected so everything was okay.  We talked a little bit about the fact that it would be a long time before Ally was resurrected, but that didn't really make sense to them.

On the 24th Matt posted details of the visitation and funeral.  I wasn't sure what to do.  I wanted to go, but to what, and with who?

Fast forward a week to Thursday, January 29th.  Ken had to work onsite in Mississauga.  I took the three girls to see Sacha and Cohen for lunch in Barrie, and then we went to the funeral.  The girls were a little difficult, but I was so glad that I went.  It was such a beautiful service.

I went back and forth about going so many times.  I'm never sure what people will think about bringing small children to a funeral. The girls okay during the funeral.  They didn't quite make it through the whole service, but I was able to get the hope that I needed.  I was able to hug Matt and hug Emma.  I was able to hear uplifting messages about their sweet girl.

Matt's father gave the eulogy and it was so lovely.  He called Ally a thief, because she stole everyone's hearts.  He also told a beautiful story that was kind of like a parable.  He and his wife emigrated from Liverpool many years ago.  They left on a ship and waved goodbye to the people on shore in England.  Then they sailed away from view.  Their family was sad to see them go.  Then he spoke of sailing into harbour in Canada, and the excitement with which they were greeted.  We can't see Ally now, but she has been greeted on a new shore with love and excitement.

Oh I just can't imagine losing a child.  I hope it is a pain I never have to bear.  I also hope that the friends I have that experience this loss, I hope that I can give a hug and offer them some tiny bit of peace and comfort.  I hope to lessen their burden in some small way.  I am so thankful for the plan of salvation.  I'm so thankful that a Savior was provided to atone for our sins, so that through him we can be perfected and live again.  I'm thankful for temples, and sealing power.  I'm so thankful for the gospel of Jesus Christ.

Alice continues to pray for Ally.  She asked me to print some pictures so that she'll remember her.  At first she was very concerned about Ally being happy, she was worried that Ally would miss her Mommy and Daddy.  Alice however decided the other day, that Ally is happy, and she's okay, because she's with her Heavenly Father and with Jesus.  The two pictures that I printed of Ally are the one above, and one of Ally dressed up as a chicken.  They travel all over the house, and every time I find one of the pictures I smile.  I am so thankful that the life of this little girl blessed our lives.  I am so thankful that she stole our hearts too.

The things you do.

Dear Kate,

I've never written a letter post before.  Well, I don't think I have.  At least I've never written a letter post to you.  Who knows how you'll ever find this post, but if and when you do, you need to know how much I love you. 

Tonight you were desperate for me to find the tag that came with Alice's puppy purse.  I'm not entirely sure why it meant so much to you.  I had thrown it out on Saturday during the party when Alice asked me to cut the tags off.  I remember distinctly putting the tags in the trash and feeling guilty that I hadn't recycled them. 

(I won't go into the fact that you were so jealous of Alice's puppy purse that you cried before and after the singing of happy birthday. Oh and I also won't go into the fact that I picked you up early - 27 minutes - from school today, so we could go to Walmart and find you your own puppy purse, because Alice had birthday money to spend on you.)

Tonight you begged me to go through the trash to find the tags.  Alice declared that she wanted the tags to stay in the trash.  Again, I have no idea why it meant so much to you for me to find the tag, but it did.  It meant so much to you, so it meant so much to me. 

This makes me think of Heavenly Father.  There are so many things that I've learned about Him in the short time I've been a parent.  If something is important to us, it's important to Him.

While Dad was telling you and Alice a story, I pulled the trash back inside (oh and it was -21 tonight) and I found the tag. 

I love you Kate.  Never doubt how much I love you.  I went through garbage for you Kate.

Love,
Mom

Red Beard

I do not like beards.  To each their own, but my preference is no beard.  I like nice smooth skin.  I don't like moustaches either.  Ken has expressed many times his desire to grow a beard.  I have resisted, until now! 

I can't remember which friend it was said that she couldn't imagine telling her husband not to grow a beard - it was his face.  Some thing like that anyway, and it got me thinking, and feeling guilty.  How could I prevent my sweet Ken from realizing the life long dream of growing a beard?!


Sometime in mid January, after he hadn't shaved for several days, I said to Ken, hey, why don't you just keep going?  And so he did.  I even tried my very best to keep an open mind.


I didn't hate it, but.  Yeah, still not a fan of the beard.  For Valentine's Day, I got my clean shaven (well mostly, that chin thing has always been there, and I like it!) guy back!

Oh, but I didn't remember to take an after picture until today...

A Dinosaur Tea Party

I was involved in a discussion recently (well a Facebook string of comments) about the winter blahs.  I confessed that since having a baby in January, one in February, and a husband with a January birthday, I didn't have time for post-Christmas blah.  There were too many parties to plan! 

Alice decided she wanted a Dinosaur Tea Party, and she knew who she wanted to invite - her friends from church - Claire, Lucienne, River, Max, Juliette, and Amelie and Marisol - oh and Kate and Fiona of course.  When we made the invitations she insisted that we make one for Kate and Fiona.  The days before the party, I made the pinata, we went party shopping and we planned the fun.

I will get the "bad news" out of the way right now.  I was so mad at myself for forgetting to take a group shot, and we forgot to wear the stinkin' cute dinosaur party hats that we got.  ARGH!!  Other than that, it was an awesome party!

Once all the friends had arrived, Kate was the dinosaur doctor specialist and she took all the kids to the basement to find the dinosaur eggs, filled with dinosaurs, and messages.

After they figured out the message - that the egg (pinata) was in bed upstairs - we played "pin the head on the dinosaur bones".

The cutest was Lucienne - I spun her around and then she just stood there.  I told her to put her hands out and feel for the wall.  She put her hands straight up - he he.  Once she finally placed the head on the bones, she just stood there with the blindfold on  - until her Mom prompted me to help her, and of course she did all of this while wearing a bumble bee costume.

Next was PINATA time!!  Alice wanted to go first.  I tried to talk her out of it, but then she cried, and I thought, it's her party, what do I care?!  So first she went!

I always love pinata time!

Then it was lunch!  Grilled cheese (fancy - Havarti/avocado for the grown ups) and hot dogs (yummy sausages from the butcher for the grown ups), and lots of snacks - cheesies, chips, guacamole.

Then Alice decided it was time to open presents?  (Just go with it, doesn't matter, it's Alice's party!)  Amelie and Marisol gave her some cute Lalaloopsie figurines.

Juliette gave her some clothes.

Lucienne gave her a puppy purse, gum and chap-stick. 

Claire gave her a Lalaloopsy doll and a dinosaur craft.

River gave her some cute shirts and a bathing suit - which Fiona promptly took possession of and wore for the rest of the day - over top of her clothing.

And from Max she received a cute magnetic Doc McStuffin's dress-up doll - somehow I didn't get a picture of that? 

After the presents - Cupcakes!!  This is when poor sweet Kate nearly lost it. She actually cried during Happy Birthday.  Why you ask?  Because she didn't have a puppy purse and her life was ruined!  Oh man, it is so hard to watch your siblings get presents!

And just like that Alice is four, and she has been most properly celebrated!