January Funnies

January
Alice: Mommy you're going to die.
Me: Why?
Alice: Cause I cut your skin off.
(Later that day, before she was going to bed)
Alice: (While hugging me goodnight) I'm sorry Mommy.  I love you.  I'm not going to cut your skin off, you're not going to die.
The funny thing was, she wasn't angry with me.  It was just matter-of-fact.

Alice: Is Auntie Jennifer dead?
Me: No, why would she be dead?
Alice: Because she is getting old.
Jennifer's response: I don't know what to say… other than I do feel old most days. But I happened to be dancing like a fool at a girlfriend's birthday party last night so I wasn't acting too old last night! You can assure her that I'm not dead.

Last night we were listing things that we were grateful for before bed.
Kate: I'm grateful for when Alice doesn't touch my stuff.
Ken: I'm grateful for everyone making my birthday special.
Me: I'm grateful for my family.
Alice: Fart.
Me: What did you say? What are you grateful for?
Alice: Fart.

Kate: Mommy, I'm going to name my first born child, my name is still McCartney, Nutsy Michaela Bubbles Nutsy Flower McCartney. I'm so excited to grow up and have a baby. Except I think breastfeeding is boring. When Nutsy is 4 and a half and wants to play and I'm breastfeeding or Blossom is in my uterus, I'll say just wait, and I'll play with you. I'm going to name my second baby Blossom Elizabeth McCartney. Mom, what kind of a name is Nutsy? A boy name or a girl name?
Me: I think it's a squirrels name.
Kate: (Laughs) Oh, maybe I'll pick a different name then.

Kate: I have a secret crush on Aiden Wallace, I'm only going to tell you in this house, not in school.
Me: That's good because if you tell people at school they might tell everyone. If you want to get married in the temple you can't marry Aiden Wallace, or you have to bring him to church.
Kate: I don't want to marry him, I just want to kiss him.

Lovely dinner conversation this evening...
Alice: (Between bites of her pizza) I'm going to barf! I'm going to barf!
Kate: Alice, don't barf.
Alice: (Giggles) I tooted. I didn't need to barf. My body needed to toot. Silly me!
Thank you Alice.

Ken: I can't believe it's February tomorrow.
Me: It isn't. It's January 31st.
Ken: Never mind then.