Forty Looms Large

In December 2011 we went to a 40th birthday party.  The friend in Orangeville ward that was turning 40 threw herself (with the help of her family and the youth in our ward) a carnival.  It was so much fun.  My friend was so at peace with turning 40.  She has seven girls and at the time was in the midst of completing her education degree, she was so excited about the future and was embracing her new decade.  Me... when we got home from the party I felt concerned that the curtain needed to remain closed because I didn't want anyone seeing the balloon and thinking that I was 40!  NO!  Perish the thought!

About a month after the party I put the offensive balloon to good use.

I turned it into a pinata and then I let all the kids at Kate's party beat it up!  Take that you objectionable balloon!

That was just over a year ago.  I've thought about turning 40 a number of times in the last year, and perhaps if my goal was to be okay with it, I would be.  I feel unsettled.  I don't want to turn 40, not yet.  I want to be younger for my kids.  I don't feel old and I guess that's the problem.  I have a mental block about 40, it's OLD!!!  I don't want to be old.  Everything is relative and of course someone looking backward would say that 40 isn't old.  You are as young as you feel right?

I want to be young for my kids.  And they will keep me young, well I suppose there will be a mix of being young and stress aging me.  I am thankful for the life that I have lead thus far.  I love my life and I am happy, so happy and so blessed.   Besides I don't have time for a mid-life crisis, I have a four year old, a two year-old and a baby on the way!

Deep breath, happy birthday to me.  I can take great comfort in the fact that I don't look my age!