Bad Mom

Somtimes...

I'm not sure where to begin. Today was mostly fine. We had a big playdate this morning. Friends from church came over, the kids all played really well, I hemmed Ken's pants. I did laundry. The playdate ended, we had lunch, we cleaned up and we packed for our weekend trip to Ottawa.

Ken came home somewhere in all of that and we finally got ready and left at five. Traffic was awful. There was a huge crash in the west bound lanes past Oshawa and it was stop go until we got past the crash.

The girls were pretty awful. They were bickering so much. I just wanted to listen to my book. I wanted to completely ignore my children. Ken was driving, he'd made a new CD and I was excited about listening to the music and my book. Instead bicker, bicker, bicker.

Looking back on it now what I should have done was engage with my children. I should have led a game or a conversation or something, anything. I shouldn't have yelled and critized, but I did.

Just before we got to the 416 Fiona barfed all over herself, and just after I handed her the barf bag. We were able to pull off and clean her up and clean up the carseat, but man oh man, not fun.

We got to the hotel finally, into the room and by the time everyone got into bed it was 11. Fiona took a turn being a stinker, and again, instead of being the calm to her crazy, I met her crazy with crazy of my own. And now I've been sitting here thinking about what a bad mom I am for the last hour and a half.

I wish I would have caught myself earlier. I wish I would have taken a moment to reflect. But I didn't. I suppose I do learn from moments like these. I do want to keep getting better at this mom thing. I want to be the mom that Kate, Alice and Fiona need me to be.

Here's to hoping the rest of the weekend is better than today, and here's to hoping that I'll be a better mom tomorrow.