Mom was an amazing care giver, and through following all of the advice of the specialist, they got Dad's kidney function up to 35%, but the catheter wasn't going anywhere. Dad kind stopped moving. He wasn't walking to Hasty Market anymore. He wasn't going to Wimpey's anymore. He just didn't really go anywhere anymore.
When he stopped walking around with his walker, he stopped being able to.
The last while - I don't even know how long - months? A year? He would sit in his chair. He would go from one chair to another chair to bed. Mom and Dad got more help - morning and night help, but transfers from chair to chair to bed were getting harder and harder. He was put on waiting lists for nursing homes. He desperately didn't want to go to a nursing home, but it was getting to the point that Mom just couldn't take care of him anymore. That being said, he said no to two different nursing homes when his name came up.
He'd had a cough and a cold the last couple of weeks and wasn't doing very well. Mom asked that we keep Grandpa in our prayers, so when it was fast Sunday on November 4th I was fasting for him.
On the 4th Jon sent a group message to us siblings. He wanted to have an extra fast, a special fast for Dad. He wanted to fast that Dad would be okay to go into a nursing home, that his heart would be softened. We all agreed and planned to fast for him on the 11th.
On Thursday the 8th I got a call from Mom. The wound care nurse had been in and didn't like the sound of Dad's breathing and told Mom he needed to go to the hospital. He hadn't been eating or drinking properly and Mom couldn't move him, so she called the ambulance. Two ambulances and four paramedics later, and they had Dad loaded up to take him to Mackenzie Health Centre.
Mom called me, and told me the doctors thought he had pneumonia. I figured antibiotics, they'd send him home and Dad would be on the mend. But they didn't send him home. They wouldn't send him home and they didn't have a bed. Dad was in the back of the emergency department, in a bed, in a curtained off area. Jim MacDonald, and Jamie Bondy went to give him a blessing, Darlene - Jim's wife, went along too. Jim sent me the following message about the blessing on Saturday - "The priesthood blessing was very specific for him to be at peace and that he would make it through the night and then the doctors will take care of him after that." Dad had asked Jim to look after his Ruthie.
I went to the hospital Thursday night and stayed with Dad for a bit. His breathing was awful. He looked awful. He wasn't comfortable, and he couldn't sleep. He looked so tired. He was shivering when I got there, so the nurse brought an extra blanket, but then when she was checking him ten minutes later realized that he was all wet - so she and another nurse changed his blankets and gown. The light wouldn't go off in his little curtained room - it was broken. There was a toddler sobbing in the next curtain over, and an old woman two curtains over that was really upset, bored, wanted a room and wanted a doctor. It felt awful. I kept thinking "how does anyone get better here?"
I left when Dad eventually chased me out - I had school in the morning - back to back Remembrance Day Assemblies. Andrew went when he was done work. It was concerning, but Dad's strong, he's a fighter and I just figured meds, fluids, and he'd be back home.
I didn't go see him Friday, but chatted with Mom. He was a little better and he had a room on the third floor and we would bring the girls to see him Saturday.
Saturday came and I finished my progress reports, and we finally in the late afternoon left to go see Dad. The girls each made a get well picture for him. Kate made a picture of a magical ice cream pill that would give Grandpa huge muscles and make him well.
Ken and I had already begun our fast. After our visit we took the girls back to my parents place - picking up some groceries for Mom and subway sandwiches for the girls. We went for a swim, and then saw my Mom again.
Sunday. Right when my phone went from being in do not disturb mode to vibrating after church, a call came through. It was Mom. She was at the hospital. Dad was now considered critical. He was septic. They wanted to move him to the ICU. Mom was in distress. I asked her if she wanted me to come to the hospital, she said yes. I left the girls with Ken and left immediately.
I had been fasting that Dad would have a softened heart. That he would be ready to go into a nursing home. When I was driving out of the parking lot I had a different feeling. I felt that my prayer should be for Dad to return to his Heavenly Home.
I phoned Suzanne, and Jon and Andrew and updated them. I got to the hospital and Dad was really out of it. They had an oxygen tube under his nose and he kept ripping it out. He kept trying to rip everything out and get out of the bed. He was so upset.
Mom and I were standing there talking and after Dad pulled away his oxygen for the fifth time Mom didn't put it back. Moments later the nurse was in, she freaked out and then a whole team arrived. They put an oxygen mask over his nose and mouth. I tried to interrupt, worried they were going to do something invasive, but no one would really listen to me.
Earlier when the ICU doctor came downstairs he'd asked Dad if he wanted to go to the ICU and Dad had said no. The doctor (Dr. Dwosh - Dad's doctor in the ICU eight years ago) told Dad he might die if he didn't go into the ICU. This agitated Dad.
When Dad's colour got better and the team of nurses and doctors turned to me and Mom, I made it clear. No ICU, no tubing, no intubation, no compressions. They needed to make Dad comfortable. Mom was asked for her agreement. She made verbal agreement and then she and a nurse went over Dad's chart to update it.
A nurse came in and put a line in Dad's leg, and gave him some pain meds. I'm not sure what they gave him, but Dad went to sleep. It wasn't a natural sleep, but he was peaceful for the first time.
At some point before/during all of this, I had leaned over and made eye contact with Dad. I'd pulled my mask down and there was recognition in his face. His eyes were bright and he knew I was there.
At some point Andrew came in.
When Dad was finally comfortable I started to feel peaceful. And I prayed that his suffering wouldn't be prolonged. I sat beside his bed and prayed for him to go home.
Mom and Andrew left to go eat and I stayed. I felt so calm. So comforted. So peaceful. I wasn't sure how much longer Dad was going to live, but it really felt like this was it.
Around 4 I started to feel like I needed to go home. I think I left after five. Mom and Andrew stayed, and Dad continued to sleep.
Around 7 Mom went home. Andrew left around 8, and still Dad slept.
Mom called the hospital before she went to bed. Dad was still sleeping peacefully. I plugged my phone in and left my ringer on. Jon plugged his phone in and left his ringer on. Jon, Suzanne, Mom and I all felt like Dad was going to be leaving us, and soon.
At about 1:30, Jon called. Dad had passed.
None of us slept much that night. I couldn't believe that he had passed so quickly. I felt so relieved and thankful. Dad's body was so done. He had fought for so long. Mom had been an amazing care-giver for so long. And now it was done.
I love my Dad so very much. It's Thursday now. It's been a very long, very strange week. The visitation at the funeral home is tomorrow. The funeral is on Saturday. I haven't been at work all week and I haven't really had to deal with people. I've seen family and close friends, we've gotten things planned and done. Now that the "end" is here, I feel like I might fall apart a bit. I don't want to, but I might.
I'm so grateful for the plan of salvation. I'm so grateful for to know where my Dad is. I'm grateful that I am sealed to him. I'm grateful that we had him for so long.
I will be brave for you tomorrow Dad. You were so brave for so long!
Howard Edward Bacon
March 10, 1940 - November 12, 2018
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