Being

I felt so sad yesterday afternoon. The weekend was already finishing and it just didn't feel like enough. I feel ungrateful now, but yesterday I just felt overwhelmed with sadness. I took the girls out on Saturday so Ken could work. He took the girls out Sunday so I could work. Ken wasn't feeling well. The house was (still is) a mess.

As Ken and I lay in bed last night chatting I cried a little. I cried because I'm tired of being tired and I'm tired of being stressed. I'm tired of the frenetic pace where nothing is ever enough. I'm tired of being angry mommy. I told Ken that when I was home (on maternity leave) with the girls the days that were the worst days were the ones where I had a time line, the days where I had things to do - me me me. Not that me wanting to clean up or run errands is selfish, but it was my time line, my agenda. The best days were the ones where everyone had time.

We were specifically talking about Fiona and how difficult we're both finding her right now. She is so obstinate sometimes, and of course she is at her worst when it's the worst time - getting ready to go out in the morning and bedtime.

I thought about after school pickup, how the girls transition, how I get them to transition. How am I helping them transition? Do I greet them with a smile, or with tired impatience? Last night I thought about what I could change, how I could do things differently.

We had a really great night tonight. I came in to the girls aftercare rooms calmly and happily. I sat down with Fiona and asked her about her creations, asked her if she needed more time, or if she was ready to go? She was happy to see me and she told me she'd had a great day. Alice the same, and Kate the same. I took time to greet each girl and talk to them for a minute.

We got home and the girls willingly helped do their chores, Kate practiced piano, Fiona and Alice played and snacked while I made dinner. After dinner the girls had some screen time, Ken came home, the girls had Family Home Evening dessert. We sort of talked about obedience - sort of. Kate read to me. Ken read to Alice and Fiona. Everyone was calm. I was calm.

At bedtime we read scriptures, I only raised my voice slightly once, and then quickly apologized to poor Alice - a misunderstanding, the girls went to bed without fights - we started early enough and the girls were great. It's only taken me until the end of October to adjust to being back at work. EEK!

There's a quote by L.R. Knost that really resonates with me. "When our little people are overwhelmed by big emotions it's our job to share our calm, not join their chaos." I want to more fully live this. I'm not always going to get it right, but I'm going to try.

We're Going to the Zoo Zoo Zoo, How About You You You

Nope. I will never, not ever get tired of the zoo, not even when there are a bazillion people there because it is Boo at the Zoo and it was a beautiful day. I won't even get tired of it when we sort of lost Kate and almost lost Hazel a bazillion times.

I needed to give Emily Fiona's size four clothes for Hazel. We decided to meet at the zoo by the Indian Rhino at 1pm. She told me the day before that her hubby wouldn't be coming so he could do school work - he's doing his masters. I gave Ken the option to stay home and work and he jumped on it. So Emily and I took our six kids to the zoo with, it seemed, most of the population of Toronto.

I love, love, love how well our kids play together. They had so much fun. It was such a beautiful fall day. We stayed until the zoo closed at 4:30, but it was closer to 5:30 by the time we walked to the van and actually got out of the parking lot. Yay for beautiful fall days with beautiful friends, and yay for the zoo!

The Beeton Fall Fair

When we finally saw Michelle, Marisol and Amelie at the end of August, Michelle suggested we go to the Fair again, and I readily agreed. Last year it was cool and rainy, this year it was sunny and so very hot!

The girls were so cute as we drove through Tottenham, Kate and Alice exclaiming at all of their memories. Ken dropped us off at the Fair entrance in Beeton and the girls marveled again at the park they used to go to. We were quickly met by the Tokarev's and Ken and in we went.

Michelle had picked up all day ride passes for the girls in advance to save money and the girls enjoyed going on ride, after ride after ride. We walked around and looked at calves and ponies and bunnies and chicks. Fiona went on a pony ride and seemed kind of nonplussed by it. Alice had a caramel apple and Fiona and Kate had a bag of cotton candy. Fun was had by all!

After we'd had more than enough fun at the fair we went to the Tokarev's. The girls love playing at Amelie and Marisol's house. They had so much fun playing outside and inside and us adults enjoyed chatting. I love talking to Michelle. Love. She is what I miss about Tottenham. It was so fun being around the corner. During the school year we sure didn't get to take advantage of it, but there was comfort nonetheless. 

The girls didn't want to leave. I love that they all get along and play so well together. Until the next time Tokarevs, and as always, thank goodness for Kindermusik!