Last night at the dentist's office I had to pay $13.00. That was my only charge, the insurance paid the rest. I made some flippant remark when I said I'd pay using debit - "because it was so much" - said with a smirk. I was just being silly. Honestly, as soon as I said it I kind of felt ungrateful. Then when the woman behind me was figuring out the bill, she was asked if she had insurance and she said "I wish". She looked tired.
Oy. If I could have eaten my words. I felt so ungrateful. I'm generally not. Gratitude is really, really important to me, but in that moment I felt so obnoxious, so undeserving.
Tonight my Mom was telling me about a friend of hers with an adult daughter that keeps asking for money. The daughter is going to school and raising a child. My Mom's friend is unable to keep bailing her out, and has told her she's on her own, she has to get a job and figure things out. I don't know either of these people, but I feel kind of terrified for the daughter, and just kind of sad.
Life is so hard sometimes. Money is so hard sometimes. I haven't had to worry about money, not really. My Grandmother left me money to go to school. I graduated and immediately had a job, and have had the same job ever since. I am so very, very grateful for this. I try to be a wise steward, but well, I think I fall very short.
It hurts so much that so many people don't have enough. I don't know what to do with that sometimes. I give to charity, but do I give enough? What more can I do? What more should I do? What is my responsibility and am I fulfilling it?
I'm so grateful that my kids are healthy, that they have enough to eat, that I have access to great medical and dental care, that they have access to a great education. I wish taking care of each other as humans, wasn't so difficult.
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